What is it Like to Feel Like a Writer?
Self-sabotage, fear, and resistance in turning art into a career.
Someone asked me today when I started writing. I paused for a long time.
“What do you mean?”
He thought for a second and replied, “yeah, I guess that’s a weird question to ask a writer.”
The truth is, even today I’m not sure if I am one.
I had an idea three months ago for an article I wanted to write. A series, really. It was going to be a series of artist portraits written in the style of the great Vogue cover pieces I’ve been obsessing over all my life. Focusing primarily on BIPOC and queer artists, my plan was to visit them in their studios, fully witness them in their element, ask them questions about their processes and pay close attention to details that delicately yet poetically embody the nuances of their unique personalities. I had a list, a few that I was planning to interview, and I even interviewed my first artist back in January. I took detailed notes and voice recordings to get the most in-depth and rawest possible portrait of someone I admire to no end. It’s all there. All of my material. The talent? I have it. The subject? Willing and eager. The page? Empty.
Now I know that for some who don’t suffer or aren’t currently suffering from a block may not understand why I’ve…