Playing Devil’s Advocate: The Best Way to Lose your Black Friends

Photo of Author by Aaron Alpert

I don’t know how to tell you I’m tired of talking about race with you without coming off as stupid. And I don’t want my friendships to feel that way.

I don’t know how to tell you that when you bring up the “marketing value” of Black Lives Matter, when you tell me that it’s not efficient enough to actually create equality, that I don’t have the emotional energy to explain it to you. Not because it isn’t important, not because I don’t know how, not because you have a valuable point, but because you’re my friend, and I deserve a safe place to just exist and relax and not have to expend my emotional labor if you’re not willing to even value it.

I don’t have many friends right now. I have maybe five that I see. We’re in a pandemic, and the first six months of lockdown proved to be far too much isolation for me to withstand without physical hugs, dinners, or sharing space with other human beings. My bubble is small. Sure, I could have been more discerning in choosing my friends. I could have held auditions or interviews and asked specifically about the sobriety, racial views, religious beliefs, fiscal political alliances, or issued a survey on each of the topical social justice issues in order to weed out anyone who disagreed with me. But I didn’t. And I won’t.